I’m sure we have all heard the term “fucked by the fickle finger of fate”, but legend has it that Moses was handed a couple of tablets inscribed by the fickle finger of God. And those two stone tablets featured the now-infamous 10 big party-pooper rules, aka the 10 commandments.
The Old Testament part of the book formerly known as the Bible, but hereinafter called the “Big Book of Shagging, Smiting and Slaying” is the basis of these rules, which have become a foundational set of ethical principles for several major religious traditions.
According to the Book of Exodus, Moses (leader of the Israelites) went for a wee excursion up Mt Sinai, and it was there he received the commandments from the top bloke himself, the Big Boss, ol’ God. This was after the 10 plagues (see, I told you bad shit happened whenever that God dude turned up). The 10 rules etched on the stone tablets were meant to serve as a moral code for the Israelites as they made their way to the “Promised Land”.
Given their potentially arduous journey, one can’t help but wonder if advice on travel insurance and not drinking the water might have been more useful.
The commandments cover a range of ethical and religious imperatives, including rules on worshiping God, honoring parents, and banning murder, theft, adultery and telling lies.
What a rigmarole. What a waste of stone. What a crock.
Don’t be a cunt. It covers them all.
Are those party pooper rules the foundational set of ethical principle this religion? Fuck no.
Our ethical principal boils down to one simple rule: don’t be a cunt.
Fancy a beer? Go for it. Want to get butt nekkid and play hide the sausage with someone? Fill your boots sunshine.
Eat, drink and shag whatever or whoever you want, punctuate your sentences with a sparkling array of profanities.
But, quite simply: don’t be a cunt. Unless you are a good cunt, but that’s a whole other story.