Ah, the 4th commandment — an ancient reminder that we’re meant to clock out on the seventh day, put our feet up and do a whole lot of nothing.
Exodus 20:8-11: “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.”
Who wouldn’t want to break from the riveting excitement of daily chores and responsibilities, right? This is where the Sabbath day comes in.
I mean, why bother checking off those errands when you can instead bask in the luxury of mandated inactivity? So, let’s light some metaphorical candles for the sacred weekend sloth fest, because “keeping it holy” really means lounging around in your PJs and behaving like a sloth.
But hang on, isn’t sloth one of the seven deadly sins? Colour me confused.
Imagine that: a contradiction in the “Good Book”.
Do you want to go to church, sing some songs and do your happy clappy thing? Then go do it.
Do you want to go to the gym and work up a sweat? Then by all means, knock yourself out.
Do you want to work that overtime to boost your bank balance so you can invest in a holiday, a bottle of tequila or even that new Donald Trump-shaped dildo you saw advertised on Facebook Marketplace? More power to you!
Do you want to laze around the house binge-watching something on Netflix while you eat your own weight in chocolate? Go for it!
But … if you want to judge anyone for not doing what you think your religion says they should do on the “Sabbath”, bugger off.
And don’t be a judgmental cunt.
Back to the Big Book of Shagging, Smiting and Slaying’s top 10 rules